After all this time

Sitting on my favourite railing at the lobby outside TSAC before the debrief, I was already thinking about how I should go about writing this post, finding all the right words to fit in.

 

This place is as tranquil as ever; 2 weeks always seem a long time. Home.

For the past month, my internship at HCA Hospice Care, the parent organisation of Havenue, offered me the opportunity to interact with the elderly patients. When I first stepped into the daycare, I felt that the patients there were somewhat different from our elderly here at T.H.E.S, and I wasn't referring to the fact that they have life-limiting illnesses, mind you. It is unfair to make comparisons of any sorts, but the atmosphere at the daycare is at a different level of peacefulness, much more optimistic and cheerful. 

Feeling confused, I've been searching for answers ever since, and after a month, with the help of my colleagues and after talking to a patient, I've found it.

Insecurities.

At the daycare, even though they have life-limiting illnesses, they have learnt to come to terms with it with positive thinking, as they are under good hands of the hospice staff, and they receive emotional support of fellow patients. Companionship.

The elderly at T.H.E.S are living alone in their 1-room flats. On days when we do not visit them, all they face is solitude, 4 walls, deteriorating physical conditions, financial difficulties, uncertainty about the future, uncertainty about their lives. Insecurities.

On days when we visit them, their problems momentarily go away. Our visits last an hour or so, it may seem short, but to them it really means a lot, thus they long to see us, often going the extra mile to serve us packet drinks. Companionship. What makes it hard for us to say goodbye each and every time: insecurities.

With this epiphany, I am more than determined to serve these elderly at T.H.E.S. Despite wavering at first, noticing this difference strengthened my resolve to volunteer, and to go beyond to inculcate a positive mindset in everyone.

After a lengthy reflection, let's go into my account of this week's visit proper. With my group mates Ms VM Yi'an and 脚酸 Kah Suan, we proceeded to bring Mr Tay down to lim butterchino.

Things were going well at the start. When we arrived at his flat, Mr Tay just got out of the shower. While he put on his smart attire, we introduced ourselves. Kah Suan will always be 林妹妹, Yi'an Teo妹妹, and myself Sueh Han Eh Tay. He then referred me as 自己人, sharing the same surname. Of course, everyone in T.H.E.S is like family.

Calling his sister and waiting for the meal delivery was not needed my Mr Tay, thus when we sat down at the kopitiam, the mailbox was checked, the tin of Jacob's crackers was bought, the butterchino was ordered. The drink was consumed in a record timing of less than 30 minutes. The rest of the time at the kopitiam was spent engaging in small talks. Kah Suan's eggventure, Yi'an's new bunny at home, the delicacies of my Fuzhou descent.

 

It seems that merry-drinking and binge smoking was a thing of the past.

We shifted to the breezy and quiet void deck to trim his toenails. We sang along to the songs played from the phone, gave him a massage and kept in company. The moment felt simple, yet perfect.

And then the inevitable. We could not shift his attention away from his negative and maladaptive thoughts he had always been harbouring. He began ruminating like he always do, finding fault in his visual disability. We tried to talk him out of it and give him assurance, but to no avail. We decided enough was enough, so we brought him back home. Things dragged on for a while at his flat before we finally said our goodbyes. It wasn't the kind of ending we were expecting.

Does "there's always this much we can do"  sound familiar to you? Sometimes, I wish I could do more. I wish I could speak in more fluent hokkien, so that I could get my messages across better, to help them change their mindsets. Yet at times, it feels a little frustrating. 

We must not give up on our cause, on them, our elderly seniors. We are the change that we are bringing to their lives. It gets tough but we're stronger than this. Frustrations are part and parcel, but they are temporary.

宁可束手无策, 也不袖手旁观.

乐