29 Sept: Visits to Mdm Tan & Mr Tay :)

On 29^th September, I attended my second visit and, like many others, I was excited to meet and celebrate MAF with the elderly and my new friends (Kai Sheng, Kai Him, Yun Yin, Camy and Shu Rui).

We first sought respite from the scorching sun at Mdm Tan’s house. It was brightly lit by natural light, had good ventilation and smelt rather fresh. Mdm Tan proudly told us that she had completed some cleaning prior to our visit, and thus we didn’t need to do so. I was quick to agree. However, the observant Camy noted that there were random ‘stuffs’ on the floor and that prompted us to sweep and mop the house once more, despite Mdm Tan’s short-lived protest. All this while, I was particularly worried that she would try to walk around while the floor was still wet. It was a good thing that she didn’t, phewww.

Following which, we informed Mdm Tan about the upcoming CSC’s birthday, and asked if we could take a photograph with her along with a piece of paper stating her well wishes for CSC. Initially, she seemed slightly reserved and, perhaps, a little shy. She insisted that her eyesight was poor and that she didn’t know what to write. In the end, she said that she was (and still is) very thankful for CSC because without it, she wouldn’t have met us. She was really grateful for us, and I could sense this through all her cute smiles and appreciative nods.

After an enjoyable phototaking session, everyone gathered around Mdm Tan and enquired about her day. She said that she was fine and happy, but her eyes seemed to tell a different story. At Camy’s prodding, Mdm Tan finally revealed that she was worried about her son who has kidney problems and is currently in the hospital. Due to my limited Hokkien, I could only guess that she feels hindered by her old age and poor eyesight, and her inability to provide as much support to her son as she wants to. When she hinted that she felt useless, something really tugged at my heartstrings. She seemed so helpless, so vulnerable, in a world that she could barely see or comprehend. I was suddenly reminded of my own grandmothers, and wished that I could do so much more for her too.

As much as I wanted to stay on, we were running late for our date with Mr Tay. Thus, Kai Sheng, Kai Him and I headed for Mr Tay’s apartment first while the rest stayed on. To be honest, I got a shock when he finally opened the door. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, and that revealed his frail body which he later complained to be hurting all over. I didn’t expect him to be so frail and skinny; I had envisioned a uncle with slight pot belly, or at least with a bit more flab. Despite his “bone-deep” pains, he greeted us happily and warmly invited us into his house to have a drink. His house was almost pitch-dark and stuffy, a stark contrast from Mdm Tay’s. It was then that I learnt that Mr Tay is blind. He then showed us a watch and asked if it’s still working.  Yes it is, said Kai Sheng. As Mr Tay carefully placed the watch back into its original cupboard, I thought that I saw him giving a weak smile. The watch probably has some sentimental value to him.

Mr Tay then got dressed in a smart-looking shirt with rolled-up sleeves, fumbled a little for his keys and wallet, and happily got out of his house for his weekly- or biweekly- coffee treat. He revealed that he usually leaves his house only when he is accompanied by our volunteers; on other days, he’s stuck at home, alone. He mentioned that his sister used to visit him, but now she doesn’t do so anymore because “something happened to her legs”. I could only guess that she had a bad fall earlier. I’ve always been used to walking fast but that day, I learnt how to slow down my pace for others. It wasn’t a long walk from Mr Tay’s house to the coffee shop, but it was quite tiring for Mr Tay given his reduced stamina and horrible pains. It was really heartening to see the two guys flanking and supporting Mr Tay throughout.

At the coffee shop, we helped Mr Tay order his favourite cup of coffee with 3 slides of butter. He passed us a ten-dollar bill, which Kai Sheng exchanged for five 2-dollar bills and returned them to Mr Tay. In other words, Kai Sheng secretly treated Mr Tay to a cup of coffee! I want to do the same next time I visit Mr Tay again. J Kai Him, feeling adventurous, wanted to try the same coffee with 3 slides of butter too, but was somehow persuaded out of it by the auntie taking the orders. He eventually settled for coffee with one slice of butter, to which he proclaimed as “not bad” and “smooth”.

Initially, Mr Tay looked happy while he ate the mooncake and drank his coffee. After we informed him that his latest phone bill was only a few cents, he hinted that he has no one to call. He doesn’t call his aforementioned sister too, because “there is no point”. I wanted to ask why, but I couldn’t find the words… Mr Tay then emphasised his blindness, and felt that “one is useless when one can no longer see.” He then stopped eating or drinking, and sat there quietly with so much sadness in his eyes that I thought he was about to cry. He didn’t. All this while, Kai Sheng had been gently patting Mr Tay on the back to tell him that everything’s ok and that we’re all here for him. By reaching out to Mr Tay like this, Kai Sheng is able to transcend all the barriers that may have existed between him and Mr Tay, and provide him with some comfort. This is another memorable takeaway for me.

Woah I didn’t know that I would take so long to reflect on the day’s event and to write this blog post. This proves that there were so many things that I didn’t know about the elderly and myself prior to the visit, and I’m really glad and thankful for all the lessons- be they big or small- that I’ve learnt on that day. This may sound a little cliché, but the brief encounters with Mdm Tan and Mr Tay really taught me the importance of looking beyond what’s obvious. The elderly may sometimes hide behind a façade and act like they are cheerful when, in fact, they are not. They do so because of various reasons, but I think that it’s mainly because they are afraid of ‘bothering’, ‘troubling’ or ‘hurting’ their family members or people who mean something to them, like us. I can’t help but to think of how silly but selflessly noble they are.

Now I finally understand why the seniors say that “every visit is a new visit”.  I’m certainly looking forward to my next visit J

Love, Jennifer.

Clockwise from left: Camy, Shu Rui, Me, Yun Yin, Kai Sheng.

Credits to Kai Him who took this pic for us and thus couldn't be in it :P